"I'm with your father. I didn't think I thought nothing this year was going to rise to the level of winner. But it turns out there's serious competiton here." (A BRNAANPOF member)
The planet has spun about the Sun again and the time has come for the annual Godless Atheist Christmas Card of the Year competition. Going into the judging the Blue Ribbon Not At All Nepotistic Panel of Family was greatly dispirited by the preponderance of spiritual and even overtly religious cards received in the wake of an admittedly hard year. But when the nitty got down to the gritty, our friends had come through. The will to avoid any reference to the reason to be sending out Christmas cards in the first place was strong in them.
Here are some of the comments that were made about the eight finalists (above):
Top, Second from Right: "A cheerless, empty bench and slush on the George Washington Bridge. I think that says it all." (countered by:) "This is a traditional nature's beauty shot of a stream in winter and a lone deer but for people who are never more than a quarter-mile from a Jewish deli. It's Christmassy."
Top Right: "Three polar bears contemplating the onset of global warming with despair. I've rarely been so depressed by a Christmas card." (countered by:) "However, I would argue that the card bespeaks a love of nature with a desire to see the world become better. I'm not saying it's not despairing. But it's not the Godless Atheist Christmas Card of the Year."
Bottom, Second from Left: "Santa on a Segway is mere alliteration. The steampunk goggles don't help" (another BRNAANPOF member amplified:) "He's an old man. He's wearing the trendy fashion accessories of a decade ago. This is a card that throws away all yesterday's traditions. That's Boomer Santa!"
Top, Second from Left: "A mouse in a Santa Worm costume atop a cat that is clearly contemplating eating it. I think we're all disturbed by this one." (countered by:) "Yes, but it's not enough for a card to be Atheist. It must flaunt its Atheism."
Bottom Left: "Christmas Love: A squirrel stealing a candy cane from a bloated pluto-cat." (and:) "Nothing says Christmas like theft."
Bottom Right: "This is Zsa Zsa Gabor Decorates a Window on Fifth Avenue for the Season. It has nothing to do with the season. It's bright and cheerful and pleasant to look at. But with no spiritual content.
Bottom, Second from Left: "A series of hand-shadow instructions--two pages of them! This has nothing to do with Christmas, God, spirituality, or even winter. It would be appropriate for the April issue of Boys Life."
Top Left: "The simple natural beauty of snowflakes rendered sterile and meaningless by abstraction and the addition of expensive but morally empty blood diamonds. Ivanka Trump could have sent this card."
As you can tell, this was a spirited debate. But in the end, there can only be one. And it was that last, irrefutable sentence that settled matters. So here, with all appropriate fanfare is the... Godless Atheist Christmas Card of the Year for 2020:
And may the coming year be an improvement over the last one, with this past week thrown in for good measure.