Monday, January 15, 2018

And the Winners of the Godless Atheist Christmas Card Competition ARE...


It's been quite a year for Godless Atheist Christmas Cards. As anyone who listened to the deliberations of the Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family (posted here yesterday) knows, there were so many bleak and nihilistic cards that ultimately we had to throw up our hands and declare that all but the first and second place cards had placed third.

Congratulations, everyone! Take a bow.

But there can only be one. Or in this case, one plus a second-place winner.

Second place went to  artist extraordinaire Jason Van Hollander for his beautifully-printed Signum Inferni, featuring a sheet of signed and numbered hell stamps presented in an art-sleeve with an owl in robes. The stamps themselves showed members of the Pantheon of Hell, with such names as Insania and Insomnium and Absurdum.

There it is below.

In any other year, Jason's card would have been the sure winner. But this year, the winning card arrived not through the mail but hand-delivered onto our back porch in the dead of night. It was not printed on cardboard stock but hand-written on a meat cleaver with stamps affixed to its haft. Instead of an envelope, it was buried in a turnip. A turnip with a grotesque bleeding face.


Despite the fact that it was clearly created with the sole purpose of winning the competition, the Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family felt that we had no choice but to declare it the winner. Not just for the Godless Atheist-icness of it but because if the police had happened to notice its perpetrator slinking about our back yard, they would have discovered he had written a terrorist threat on a meat cleaver. The ensuing conversation is one that I personally would love to have heard.

So, congratulations, Sam Jordan. You not only won the competition, you ducked a long and invigorating conversation with the boys at the local precinct.

That's the "card" up at the top of the page.

And in way of apology...

I'm sorry I didn't have this up last Thursday as planned. A cold intervened, for which I hope I may be forgiven.

In any case, my apologies. I hope that that Sam's turnip made this post worth the wait.


Thursday, January 11, 2018

The 2018 Godless Atheist Christmas Card Awards


The Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family has met in solemn convocation and chosen the one card out of all those received that will -- nay, indeed, must! -- be named the Godless Atheist Christmas Card of the Year.

I should mention that the composition of the Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family (me, my wife Marianne, and our son Sean) was in way influenced by the fact that we are related, nor by the convenience of us living so near to one another. No, it simply happens that out of all the people on this planet, gosh darn it, we three are the most qualified for the task.

This year, in the interest of transparency, our IT team (Sean) has put together a movie of the Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family holding our deliberations, including first, second, and third places. You can check here tomorrow to find out who won.

Or you can simply view and listen to the film above.



Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Odd Advice for New Writers: The Blurb Shelf


Okay. So you're a new writer, you've made a few sales, maybe your first novel has come out. Now you've been approached to provide a blurb for somebody else's book. What do you do?

Knowing new writers, you're going to drop everything, read the book at once, and if at all possible you're going to provide a blurb. It's what real writers do, after all. It's a sign that you've made it into the Great Game! They want your blurb! Just like they want Ursula K. Le Guin's! But after that?

I suggest you start a Blurb Shelf. Find a convenient corner among your books and when you receive a copy of the book (as you should) from the publisher, place it there. The next time one of your blurbs appears, put that book next to the first one. And so on. After a while, the shelf will begin to take on a kind of personality. When it does, stop and ponder:

Do you like what you see?

Ideally, you should be blurbing the kind of writers you want to be, those who write works like your own, those you admire, and those you think are becoming worthy of being on your blurb shell. It should serve as a kind of mirror to your writing preferences.

If it doesn't... if there are books on your blurb shelf you don't want to keep... then you've become a Blurb Whore.

Is it wrong to be a "Blurb Whore?"

Not necessarily. Editors will notice will notice and start sending you ARCs (Advance Reading Copies) of new works they think you'll like. This will spice up your mailbox like nobody's business.  Plus, nobody's ever offended that you gave them praise, so you're partway to having new friends. And you're doing the work of angels by putting good writers and good readers together.

Unless, of course, your blurb shelf says that you're blurbing books you don't really admire.

In which case, you really should cut back. Because all you're doing then is filling your mailbox with stuff you don't want to read.

So have I taken my own advice?

Of course not. People who offer advice rarely do. But there are many, many things I should have done that I didn't and I'd be better off now if I had.This may well be one of them.

And speaking of coming attractions...

Sitting in solemn convocation, the Not At All Nepotistic Blue Ribbon Panel of Family has passed judgment on this year's collection of season's greetings cards. In a unanimous decision, we have chosen this year's winning Godless Atheist Christmas Card.

Keep tuned to this blog to find out what won. Same Bat-Channel! Same Bat-Station!

Above: Why, yes, I did indeed provide a blurb for one of Ursula K. Le Guin's Earthsea books. Somebody actually thought my endorsement would add luster to Ms. Le Guin's reputation. I won't pretend this wasn't a Very Big Deal for me.


Saturday, January 6, 2018

A List of Forty-Nine Lies by Steven Fischer

A Review

Here'show the story begins:

My name is not Levi. I am not afraid.

This is a great example of how much work a properly-chosen title can do. Two sentences into the story and we know that the protagonist's name is Levi, that he is afraid, and that we are only forty-seven lies from its end.

Reading a series of negatives and decoding them into positives would be exhausting for the reader if the story went on too long.Thankfully, Fischer knew to "write to length," as the Old Hands like to say. A novella unnaturally compressed to novelette length will feel rushed and unsatisfying. A short story made into a novella will feel padded. This is a natural flash fiction. It is, most satisfactionaly, written as one.

Were I to say much of anything about the plot of a story that is only, as promised,forty-nine lies long, it would spoil at least much of the experience for the reader. So. In summary:

It's short.

It's a good story.

I like it.

A List of Forty-Nine Lies was published in the January/February issue of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.


Friday, January 5, 2018

A Torrent of Faces (Part 2)


One thing that doesn't come across on television is how friendly the Mummers are. Sometimes some of them will rush the camera and wave and shout "Happy New Year!" and it comes across as kind of rude and pushy.

That's now how it comes across on the street.

These are happy, friendly people who are giving you a remarkable experience, out of the goodness of their hearts. And they're happy to pose with you.

It takes all kinds to make a Mummers Brigade -- and admittedly some of them look like it's a little more work than they're enjoying.

Most, though, look like they're having a hoot and a half.

And it's worth mentioning how many Mummers are family men. There are a lot of children in the parade. It's a common thing to see infants in Snuglis and carriages -- just so that late in life they'll be able to brag that they've marched in 80 or 90 parades.

Some of those kids are cute, too.

But it's the adult faces that steal the show.

It used to be that women were not allowed in the Mummers. That's changed and the change is good. Still, those of us old enough to remember when this costume would have been filled by a 300-pound dock worker with five o'clock shadow have to admit that a certain je ne sais quois has been lost.

When they've marched to the end of the parade, some Mummers go home. Others walk back up the sidewalk, sometimes interacting with the parade viewers, sometimes trying to pick up a date, each according to their type. Here's the funny thing, though. Sometimes viewers show up in costume. So I have no idea if this guy was a Mummer or not.

Some of these guys, it should be mentioned, are downright dashing.

This man was getting by on charm. Which he had in spades. He gave Marianne a Flannigan NYB sign satirizing our mayor. (A lot of Mummers liked her "Occupy Mars" hat -- it was the kind of thing they'd come up with themselves.)

It should be mentioned that the Mummers marched even though it was a bitter cold day -- so cold that the spilled beer literally froze on the street. (Did I mention that the Mummers -- well, the Comics, anyway -- drink like fish? Considering that some of them started the night before, you have to respect that.)

It takes a good photographer with a good set of lenses to capture that joyous anarchy that is the Mummers Parade. But I include the above pic to give you just the slightest idea of the flow of color and costume that goes on all morning and afternoon, for hour after hour. It really is a wonderful experience.

But mostly, as I said, it's all about the faces.


Tuesday, January 2, 2018

A Torrent of Faces


Marianne and I spent most of Monday at the Mummers Parade, here in Philadelphia. And I am here to tell you that it's a different experience on the street than it is on television. The sense of fun and anarchy is electrifying. Mummers come over to the crowds watching to slap hands, kiss women, throw beads, and shout "Happy New Year!" The guy up above? He saw me taking pictures, so he came over to tell me why he was marching. The drum line with one band of mummers came over to the police barricades and, stepping sideways, the front line drummed on the barricades themselves. Just to let us know how good they were. And it sounded fantastic!

That's something you don't get at most parades. A real sense that these guys aren't just entertainers but people too.

So what's the Mummers Parade all about? Wrong question. They're not about anything. They just are. They march because that's what their fathers and grandfathers always did at this time of year. And they have fun doing so.

Which is not say there isn't a certain... edge to the Mummers. They're for the most part blue collar guys and the Comics in particular (there are four categories of Mummer: Comics, String Bands, Fancies, and Fancy Brigades) like to mix in a little political commentary. Pictured above, the Froggy Carr New Year's Brigade's take on Mayor Kenney's unpopular soda tax.

And, from another NYB, their take on Catholic education.

As the nun costumes may suggest, Mummers like to dress up as women. Directly above is a typical "wench" costume. It's an amazing experience to see a street full of wenches, waving flags, carrying signs, popping beers, pumping umbrellas, and coming straight at you.

You have to be a better photographer than I am to capture that sense of unchoreographed anarchy. But I learned long ago that if you want to photograph Mummers, it's all about the faces. And the parade is a joyous torrent of them.