Unca Mike's Wicked Stories for Children

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Where do all the years go? My son is a quarter-century old now, but when he was little I used to make up stories or him every night. Some of them we made into books. I wrote the text, Sean drew the pictures, and his mother bound them. The very best of these -- "Sam the Asteroid," "Free Moose!" and "The Two Buildings Do Lunch" are legend among the cognoscenti.

The other night I spontaneously made up another story and since Sean is too old for it, I present it to you below. The scansion's a bit ragged, but what the heck. It's not going to be made into a book anytime soon.

If you wind up reading (or singing) this to your kid, you're one sick puppy and I like you.

Moose on the Loose
by
Unca Mike

Scene: A bus. I picture this and the animals as if they were drawn by Richard Scarry. But you can imagine any other artist or style you like.

Characters: A bus driver (dog)
The moose
A cow with a purse
A policeman (bear)
A duck
A frog
A monkey
A pig
A cat
A reporter (fox)

The dog says “Look, here comes a moose!”
The dog says “Look, here comes a moose!”
“He’s on the town. He’s on the loose.”
Riding on the bus.

The moose says “Hi” and “How-dee-do.”
The moose says “Hi” and “How-dee-do.”
The moose says “Gee, but I like you.”
Riding on the bus.

The cow says “Hey! My wallet’s gone.”
The cow says “Hey! My wallet’s gone.”
“It was in my purse when I got on.”
Riding on the bus.

The moose says “Gosh, don’t look at me.”
The moose says “Gosh, don’t look at me.”
The moose says “I was up a tree.”
Riding on the bus.

The bear says “What’s all this row?”
The bear says “What’s all this row?”
The moose says “I blame the cow.”
Riding on the bus.

The cow says “You’ll not catch me.”
The cow says “You’ll not catch me.”
“I’ve got a gun and now I’ll flee.”
Riding on the bus.

The duck says “Put down that gun.”
The duck says “Put down that gun.”
The moose says “Golly, this is fun.”
Riding on the bus.

The cow says “Outta my way, Jack!”
The cow says “Outta my way, Jack!”
“I’ve been in jail. I won’t go back.”
Riding on the bus.

The dog says “Ow! She shot my leg.”
The dog says “Ow! She shot my leg.”
“Now I can’t sit up and beg.”
Riding on the bus.

The bear says “Don’t climb up there!”
The bear says “Don’t climb up there!”
“The Empire State Building’s tall, I swear.”
Riding on the bus.

The frog says “She grabbed a monkey.”
The frog says “She grabbed a monkey.”
The moose says “That’s kind of funky.”
Riding on the bus.

The pig says “She can’t go higher.”
The pig says “She can’t go higher.”
The pig says “She’s grabbed the spire.”
Riding on the bus.

The cat says “Here come the planes.”
The cat says “Here come the planes.”
“And now the Empire State’s in flames.”
Riding on the bus.

The cow says “Look out below.”
The cow says “Look out below.”
The monkey says “O no, O no!”
Riding on the bus.

The fox says “That poor, poor cow.”
The fox says “That poor, poor cow.”
“The monkey’s safe – I don’t know how.”
Riding on the bus.

The moose says “That was quite a show.”
The moose says “That was quite a show.”
“But I’ve got my wallet and I must go.”
Riding on the bus.

"Moose on the Loose" is copyright 2008 by Michael Swanwick.

Just A Reminder . . .

Saturday's poem du jour was by Yevtushenko.

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