Friday, March 13, 2020

My Invisible Collection

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Everybody collects something--even if it's just dust. Me, I've started a collection of invisible things. That's it there up above.

I doubt you can easily read the labels in the photo so, in no particular order, here's what they say:

Contents: Nothing
Gluten free, low sodium, organic, non-GMO. Zero calories. No cholesterol. Contains no nuts or nut byproducts. No animals were harmed in the creation of this product. Lasts forever.

Contents: Air
This rich mixture of nitrogen, oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide, and trace gases is a curated blend of molecules certified to have been once breathed by Abraham Lincoln, Cleopatra, Saul of Tarsus, and other world celebrities. Also dinosaurs.

Contents: Tennessine Atom (1)
By weight, the most expensive material in the universe. Properties: Unknown. Do not chill, heat, shake, stir, or in any way molest. This atom is more valuable than you could ever hope to be. How sad to be you.

Contents: Ectoplasm
This triple-hexed jar contains one vengeful ghost. Opening it is extremely dangerous. Skeptics and debunkers are urged to take the jar home before doing so.

Contents: Tennessine Atom (1)
By weight, the most expensive material in the universe. Properties: Unknown. Do not chill, heat, shake, stir, or in any way molest. This atom is more important than you could ever hope to be. How sad to be you.

Contents: Gaseous Anti-Matter
0.003 g compressed anti-hydrogen. Exercise extreme caution in handling. A massive energy conversion capable of leveling a city block will occur if exposed to regular matter. There is a small possibility of setting fire to the atmosphere. Use of this product is illegal in 187 nations. Fun for the whole family.


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2 comments:

  1. Do you have two jars of Tennessine Atom (1) or is the contents of one of your jars not satisfied with just being invisible and further trying to obfuscate itself by covering its description with one from another jar.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post! I have a jar of concentrated aether that I'd like to trade for one of your Tennessine Atoms.

    ReplyDelete