Monday, May 16, 2011

The Cocktail of the Apocalypse.

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A very pleasant weekend, for the most part.  Parties at Gregory Frost's house and at Jason Van Hollander's.  And I got to see Elizabeth Hand again, so I was happy.

On the negative side, I dropped by the Borders store on Broad Street for the last day of its going-out-of-business sale, and it was a depressing event even before I lost my (cheap) camera.  When I first came to Philadelphia in -- my God! -- 1973, the first event I went to was a going-out-of-business giveaway at one of the city's great bookstores.  Sometimes it seems like I've spent my entire adult life watching bookstores go out of business.


But that's not what I want to talk about . . .

Last week, I was in western Pennsylvania and I dropped into a TGIFriday's for a drink.  When the barrista asked what I'd have, I said, "A gin martini, very dry, straight up, with a twist."  At which point (and this was a bad sign) she went to consult with the other woman behind the bar.  A very long conversation Finally, she returned with the above martini.  Which, you'll notice, does indeed have a twist -- or, rather, a slice of lemon.  In addition to three olives impaled on a plastic sword.

The End Times are upon us.


Above:  The horror!  The horror!  Exterminate the brutes!

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9 comments:

  1. On a recent trip to Italy, we came across several bars where a martini served with an olive and a twist seemed to be the norm. We also came across several bars where ordering a martini caused vast confusion, and resulted in being served a lukewarm glass of Martini & Rossi Bianco, straight up.

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  2. When I was a fresh and untrained barman I comitted a similar atrocity when asked for a martini - I'd been taught to pour beer and not much more.

    On the bright side, the customer didn't complain, so I can only assume it killed them.

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  3. Oh, Western Pennsylvania. Well, sure.

    Generally, the problem is getting a gin martini at all.

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  4. I had a similar experience once where I asked a waitress for a Manhattan and she replied, "And what kind of vodka did you want in that?"

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  5. Oh, yuck. I believe that, technically, a gin Manhattan would be a Perth Amboy. Or maybe a Bayonne.

    In Finland, I once received an aperitif glass of Martini and Rossi, but I figured that was my own fault for ordering a drink that nobody in the country drank.

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  6. I'm Canadian and in Minneapolis a few years ago, I orderred in succession, to an increasingly baffled server, a Bloody Caesar (vodka and Clamato juice), a dirty mother (tequila, Kahlua and milk) and then a tequila paralyzer (a dirty mother with a few ounces of Coke thrown in). The bartender came over and had me write out the recipes...was it my imagination or were the bouncers circling menacingly? Good thing I idn't ask for a rye and ginger.

    Next time, I just ordered a Sam Adams.

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  7. Next time I'm in Canada, I'll order a rye and ginger.

    None of the others, though. Those are drinks only a Canadian is tough enough to drink with pleasure.

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  8. I recently, and (relatively) patiently explained to a bartender how to make a martini, and a bit of the drink's gin-soaked history.

    Her response: "Ewwwwwwwwwww."

    Got my drink, though and sorrowfully toasted the shade of Cheever with it.

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  9. God bless John Cheever. That fucked up and he still managed to add to our literary heritage.

    Where were you, Keith, that the bartender hadn't heard about martinis?

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